Louisiana
California
Ohio
Florida
Tennessee
Missouri
Ages 8, 9, 10, 11
Devonte, Jeremiah, Tyrell
I've been looking at kids online until my eyes are crossed. There are SO.MANY. There's a website that allows you to specify exactly what you're looking for- down to level of emotional, physical, behavioral disabilities. And then it spits out this list of children. Our requests are fairly specific and narrow... and the list of available children across the U.S. is huge. It tells me just enough information to decide if I'm interested in more. So far, the "more" has led us to not pursue those children any further.
And that breaks my heart. I hate saying no- even though I know it's for the best. There are some behaviors that we just aren't equipped to deal with.
There's a bed upstairs that's ready for a little boy. I want it filled- even though I know in my heart that God's timing is perfect. I'm realizing lately that I'm very sensitive the the word "adoption" or the adoption stories of others. Why them and not us? (yes, I can be a bit of a baby whiner.)
Lord, please keep my son safe. I don't know who he is or where he lives... but you do. Hold him close until I can, please.
Our road to our second adoption... one deep breath at a time.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Warning: Honesty Overload
Continue reading at your own risk. For some reason I feel comfortable sharing my heart here... So you may get more of my emotions than you bargained for.
After many attempts, today finally brought a phone call with the caseworker of Gabe II. I wasn't surprised by what she had to say after our Skype meeting was abruptly canceled last month. This young man is having a rough time with the idea of adoption. He is acting out in response to the anxiety he's feeling and is running through a grief cycle that is spinning out of control. His caseworker doesn't even want to mention adoption to him at this time until his mind and heart slow down a little.
I prayed that something would move forward or the door would close completely. I felt like that door was closed while we were having our conversation today.
And maybe the door is closed.
But I don't think so.
I'm a thousand times more convinced now than ever that this boy is meant to be a part of our family. It's out of my hands... But holy cow poo, Batman, I'm praying hard for him. He doesn't know it yet. And I'm not sure if his case worker knows it yet. But God has plans for this boy and I'm going to beg God until He tells me to stop or shows me another plan.
After many attempts, today finally brought a phone call with the caseworker of Gabe II. I wasn't surprised by what she had to say after our Skype meeting was abruptly canceled last month. This young man is having a rough time with the idea of adoption. He is acting out in response to the anxiety he's feeling and is running through a grief cycle that is spinning out of control. His caseworker doesn't even want to mention adoption to him at this time until his mind and heart slow down a little.
I prayed that something would move forward or the door would close completely. I felt like that door was closed while we were having our conversation today.
And maybe the door is closed.
But I don't think so.
I'm a thousand times more convinced now than ever that this boy is meant to be a part of our family. It's out of my hands... But holy cow poo, Batman, I'm praying hard for him. He doesn't know it yet. And I'm not sure if his case worker knows it yet. But God has plans for this boy and I'm going to beg God until He tells me to stop or shows me another plan.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
A Moment of Honesty
I try hard to stay positive and hopeful... but there are moments when I just need to be real.
This is one of those moments.
School started today. I love my kids and I love spending time with them- but I get my energy from moments alone. This is my first time alone in the house for more than an hour in months. My heart needed today.
My heart is a bit discouraged. It's silly, really. We all know adoptions can take an extended period of time... but there was hope that the extra bed would be filled by the time school started. It was a hope and a really big dream. School started today and the bed is empty. That dream just didn't come true. There have been a couple possibilities of boys that we've had to say no to. That hurts my heart even more.
I know God has a plan that will amaze me. He always does. But at this very moment- if I'm being real and honest- this waiting feels a whole lot like the infertility I already spent way too many years dealing with. It's a feeling I didn't like then and I sure don't like it any more now.
Lord, I don't know who he is or where he is. But please protect his heart until he comes home.
(I really am ok. I just needed to share my heart.)
This is one of those moments.
School started today. I love my kids and I love spending time with them- but I get my energy from moments alone. This is my first time alone in the house for more than an hour in months. My heart needed today.
My heart is a bit discouraged. It's silly, really. We all know adoptions can take an extended period of time... but there was hope that the extra bed would be filled by the time school started. It was a hope and a really big dream. School started today and the bed is empty. That dream just didn't come true. There have been a couple possibilities of boys that we've had to say no to. That hurts my heart even more.
I know God has a plan that will amaze me. He always does. But at this very moment- if I'm being real and honest- this waiting feels a whole lot like the infertility I already spent way too many years dealing with. It's a feeling I didn't like then and I sure don't like it any more now.
Lord, I don't know who he is or where he is. But please protect his heart until he comes home.
(I really am ok. I just needed to share my heart.)
Saturday, August 17, 2013
The Hardest Part
Patience. It keeps coming back to patience.
It took patience to get pregnant with Sierra.
We waited and hoped for years for a second child... until Gabe appeared out of no where.
And now we wait again.
This adoption stuff is hard! I know that there are thousands of kids in need of a forever family. I think that's what makes this hardest on my heart. I want to bring this child home now-- yet there's a process... there's overworked caseworkers... there's rules and regulations... There isn't a 'hurry' anywhere else.
We expected to have an initial "meeting" via skype with a young man in the Seattle area. I waited and waited for the call on Thursday. (And yes, I even tested my phone to make sure it was working.) I'm still not sure exactly what went wrong, but his caseworker said he had a lot of questions and it didn't seem like an appropriate time. Then she mentioned something about an aunt that she needed to do some research on.
My heart is heavy. Yes, I know I need to have more patience. I get that. But it's more than just the patience part. My heart is longing for this child we've been praying for. I don't know who he is... but he already belongs here. I need him to be home and safe.
*sigh* One day at a time.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
One Step Forward
On Thursday, we will (hopefully) be having a skype conversation with a 10 year old boy who lives in the Seattle area. Out of the kids we've looked at and considered, he definitely tugs on my heart the most.
Ready to be entertained?
....
His name is Gabe.
The following will probably only make sense to those over the age of 35ish:
I picture Sierra meeting new people and saying, "Hi. I'm Sierra. This is my brother Gabe. And this is my other brother Gabe."
(Never doubt God's sense of humor.)
Ready to be entertained?
....
His name is Gabe.
The following will probably only make sense to those over the age of 35ish:
I picture Sierra meeting new people and saying, "Hi. I'm Sierra. This is my brother Gabe. And this is my other brother Gabe."
(Never doubt God's sense of humor.)
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Stepping Out
Almost 16 years ago, a beautiful, dramatic, smart, curly-haired girl made us parents.
8 years ago, a funny, active, smart, brown-eyed, 5 year old boy entered our family.
And we thought we were complete. Done. Finito. No more children.
I believe God laughed at that idea... He has this way of rearranging the best of plans. We feel that it's time to become a family of 5. (Well, maybe 6. But probably just 5. Is God laughing again?)
We took adoption classes through the state of Oregon and completed our home study. We were given access to a website with all of the kids available for adoption in Oregon. There are currently 91 kids listed on the website. The problem? Out of 91, the 4 boys between the ages of 5 and 11 have physical and mental needs far beyond what we can handle. If we were up for adopting a family of 4 or 5 children, we'd have plenty to choose from.
Enter Discouragement.
We took a peek at the children available across the rest of the U.S. and were amazed at how many there are. So.many.boys. We requested information on a couple of them and quickly realized that other states are in a much different situation than Oregon. They're overflowing with children who need adoptive families.
And then the slight kink in the plans hits yet again. Adoption through the foster care system in Oregon is free. There's even ongoing financial support available with the adoption of an older or 'special needs' child. Adopting outside of Oregon is not so free. While I don't believe the expenses will be anywhere close to the cost of an overseas adoption, there will be legal fees and travel costs that will come into play.
Since that's not in our plan... and God seems to be opening that door... He must have a plan to take care of the expenses.
If you'd like to help get this sweet boy (whomever he may be) home to a family who will love him forever, we've set up a link for donations toward the adoption expenses.
But more than that... please pray that a) We would hear God clearly and b) This future member of our family would be safe until we find him.
Thank you, friends.
8 years ago, a funny, active, smart, brown-eyed, 5 year old boy entered our family.
And we thought we were complete. Done. Finito. No more children.
I believe God laughed at that idea... He has this way of rearranging the best of plans. We feel that it's time to become a family of 5. (Well, maybe 6. But probably just 5. Is God laughing again?)
We took adoption classes through the state of Oregon and completed our home study. We were given access to a website with all of the kids available for adoption in Oregon. There are currently 91 kids listed on the website. The problem? Out of 91, the 4 boys between the ages of 5 and 11 have physical and mental needs far beyond what we can handle. If we were up for adopting a family of 4 or 5 children, we'd have plenty to choose from.
Enter Discouragement.
We took a peek at the children available across the rest of the U.S. and were amazed at how many there are. So.many.boys. We requested information on a couple of them and quickly realized that other states are in a much different situation than Oregon. They're overflowing with children who need adoptive families.
And then the slight kink in the plans hits yet again. Adoption through the foster care system in Oregon is free. There's even ongoing financial support available with the adoption of an older or 'special needs' child. Adopting outside of Oregon is not so free. While I don't believe the expenses will be anywhere close to the cost of an overseas adoption, there will be legal fees and travel costs that will come into play.
Since that's not in our plan... and God seems to be opening that door... He must have a plan to take care of the expenses.
If you'd like to help get this sweet boy (whomever he may be) home to a family who will love him forever, we've set up a link for donations toward the adoption expenses.
But more than that... please pray that a) We would hear God clearly and b) This future member of our family would be safe until we find him.
Thank you, friends.
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