A friend asked me if others know what life is like for us right now. While I don't want to share the story that belongs to her, I realized that maybe I need to be more honest with where we're at.
So here it goes.
Today we went for an assessment for A. One of the questions made me really stop and think about where we are currently.
"On a scale of 1 to 4 - 1 being you feel completely supported as a family and 4 being you're ready to call DHS and ask them to come pick up A, where are you?"
I won't tell you our answer, but I'll tell you it wasn't a 1.
Life is hard in our home right now. Harder than I could ever share with the world ...probably harder than anyone could understand unless they've been in this situation.
We still have hope. We see glimpses of beautiful things to come. We are committed and we are determined.
.
.
.
But we're also very tired.
Our road to our second adoption... one deep breath at a time.
Monday, August 28, 2017
Thursday, August 10, 2017
She Matters, Too
She is worthy.
She is wanted.
She is loved.
She is beautiful.
I can't say that I ever imagined a day when I would be picking up my child(ren)'s birth mom and taking her to an important meeting with the people who are ensuring the safety of her youngest child.
I never imagined holding her hand as she shared openly about her current addictions and her confusion and her lifestyle.
I never imagined feeling the amount of grace and mercy and love for her that I do.
Because, while her children obviously matter to me a ton...
She matters, too.
Today was the starting point of figuring out what comes next. There are hard decisions to be made and a great deal of work that needs to be done, but we took a first step today. Hopefully a step that leads to permanency for her children and health for her.
Hopefully.
I've been asked 3 times now if we could just adopt her, too.
And 3 times I've answered that plea the same way:
You are family. And we love you.
She is wanted.
She is loved.
She is beautiful.
I can't say that I ever imagined a day when I would be picking up my child(ren)'s birth mom and taking her to an important meeting with the people who are ensuring the safety of her youngest child.
I never imagined holding her hand as she shared openly about her current addictions and her confusion and her lifestyle.
I never imagined feeling the amount of grace and mercy and love for her that I do.
Because, while her children obviously matter to me a ton...
She matters, too.
Today was the starting point of figuring out what comes next. There are hard decisions to be made and a great deal of work that needs to be done, but we took a first step today. Hopefully a step that leads to permanency for her children and health for her.
Hopefully.
I've been asked 3 times now if we could just adopt her, too.
And 3 times I've answered that plea the same way:
You are family. And we love you.
Sunday, August 6, 2017
Here We Are Again
I haven't used this space since K's adoption was finalized.
It didn't seem like a spot I needed.
But here we are again. And people have questions that I can't post all over the interwebs.
So here it goes...
We weren't planning to add another child. There was a brief conversation about it last year, but we decided it wasn't the best idea at that point in time. The piles of application paperwork were tucked away.
Our 3- unless a child was dropped on our doorstep. That has always been the exception.
We have kept an open relationship with K's birth family. We've had ongoing visits, phone calls, texts, etc. Part of that birth family is a little sister- A. While they haven't seen each other that often, they have an incredibly close bond. There are a bunch of other half siblings around, but A is the only one that K has a significant attachment to.
Around Christmas, we began to notice some behavior changes in the birth family. It was obvious that something was going on, so we limited visits and contact until we could figure out what it was. As time progressed, we heard comments that indicated that A was not receiving the best of care.
Between March and April, our home had some conversations about what it would look like if we were asked to take her. It was increasingly clear that she probably wouldn't be able to stay in the home.
...
On a Saturday night in May, we got a call from extended family asking us to come and pick A up. Some really ugly things were happening, and she needed to be elsewhere for her safety. With the help of DHS, we came to an agreement that we would pick her up on Monday and have her for a 10 day safety plan while things got reorganized in her home.
As many of you know, it has now been 70 days and she has not left. At the end of that safety plan, she was placed with us as a foster care placement.
...
While I would like to be able to say that things are getting better with the birth family, they are currently far worse. There are no plans for A to return home in the near future, if at all.
It has been a beautiful and incredibly difficult 70 days. Trauma is hard... and there is plenty of it in our home. We're thankful for the grace that people have offered us as we do the next best thing every single day.
It didn't seem like a spot I needed.
But here we are again. And people have questions that I can't post all over the interwebs.
So here it goes...
We weren't planning to add another child. There was a brief conversation about it last year, but we decided it wasn't the best idea at that point in time. The piles of application paperwork were tucked away.
Our 3- unless a child was dropped on our doorstep. That has always been the exception.
We have kept an open relationship with K's birth family. We've had ongoing visits, phone calls, texts, etc. Part of that birth family is a little sister- A. While they haven't seen each other that often, they have an incredibly close bond. There are a bunch of other half siblings around, but A is the only one that K has a significant attachment to.
Around Christmas, we began to notice some behavior changes in the birth family. It was obvious that something was going on, so we limited visits and contact until we could figure out what it was. As time progressed, we heard comments that indicated that A was not receiving the best of care.
Between March and April, our home had some conversations about what it would look like if we were asked to take her. It was increasingly clear that she probably wouldn't be able to stay in the home.
...
On a Saturday night in May, we got a call from extended family asking us to come and pick A up. Some really ugly things were happening, and she needed to be elsewhere for her safety. With the help of DHS, we came to an agreement that we would pick her up on Monday and have her for a 10 day safety plan while things got reorganized in her home.
As many of you know, it has now been 70 days and she has not left. At the end of that safety plan, she was placed with us as a foster care placement.
...
While I would like to be able to say that things are getting better with the birth family, they are currently far worse. There are no plans for A to return home in the near future, if at all.
It has been a beautiful and incredibly difficult 70 days. Trauma is hard... and there is plenty of it in our home. We're thankful for the grace that people have offered us as we do the next best thing every single day.
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