I'm One of THOSE People

I rarely cry. Like... Maybe twice a year. There are times I would like to cry, but tears just don't flow that easily for me.

But this stage in life appears to be different. Tears. Constant tears. I never understood you people that could cry at a Hallmark commercial. I haven't seen one of those commercials recently, but I cry at every video posted on FB. I could cry now just thinking about the idea of watching a video on FB.
It's horrible.

And I think I've figured out a part of it. Adoption is hard. Oh friends, it's beautiful and worth it and better than you could imagine... But it's hard. We knew that the adoption of an older child would be tough... I can say now that there is much I wasn't prepared for. And I think those experiences are where the constant tears are coming from.

I could give this little guy the world and it wouldn't be enough right now.

If he's in trouble, he tells me that he misses his grandma.

If he doesn't get what he wants, he says he'll call his grandma and tell on me.

If we've had an amazing day together, he tells me that he misses his mom as he falls asleep.

Of course he does! They're his family. He loves them and most definitely misses them. But my heart is human and it cuts me to the core every single time. My brain knows I'm doing the "right" things, but my heart doesn't feel good enough.

It's hard right now. Two steps forward, one giant step back. (And knowing that I have to be the grown up... That stinks!)

There's a retreat for adoptive mamas this fall. The money isn't in the budget right now, but I WILL find a way to be there. It's way out of my introvert comfort zone to go, but I need to be where others understand my heart.

This too shall pass,., right?

Oh the Drama

Oh my heart.

Today was rough.

I received a phone call this morning from K's paternal grandmother. This is the first time I've heard from her. From my understanding, she never sought custody of K, although she has adopted his slightly older sister.

Her phone call today went a little something like this:
"No one told me that his grandmother wasn't allowed to adopt him. Had I known that, I would have adopted him myself. I'm not threatening you or anything, but I want you to know that I can go to DHS and fight for custody."  That non-threat was repeated multiple times.

In the end, I think she was just trying to make sure we would allow her to continue to have contact with him in the future. I don't know.

This afternoon was his birthday family with his biological family. His paternal grandmother was there... and repeated much of what she said on the phone. She spent no time with K and left without saying goodbye to him.... and she was also extremely drunk and loud the entire time.

Awkward.

I'm thankful my little man has a whole bunch of family that loves him. But I can't say I ever expected the drama that would involve.

Not a Walk in the Park

It's been a while since I've posted. We've all been trying to keep our heads above water with a crazy, busy summer and all of the adjustment stuff that happens with a new child in any family. In most ways, it's been much easier than I anticipated. In other ways, it's been rougher.

Easier... K fits right into our home. He can toss out sarcasm with the best of them, he keeps us moving, he sleeps great, he eats well, and he bathes without complaint. He has a million questions about everything, loves Minecraft, enjoys snuggles, does really well academically, and adores his older siblings.He loves Minecraft, is kind to the cat, and keeps a zoo of stuffed animals on his bed. He's incredibly organized, picks up his toys without being told, and does great in the car. He's smart, funny, and looks so much like Gabe.


Harder... Attachment. I knew we would have issues, but I had no idea how difficult they would be. The first two months were a beautiful honeymoon period. There were little problems here and there, but nothing of any major significance. That changed.  8 foster homes in 3.5 years apparently does a lot to a little heart.We're just another stop in the road for him. He's actually been able to verbalize "Maybe if I'm bad enough, DHS will move me to my grandma's house." Sad. And heartbreaking. Visits with his biological family are hard (more for me than for him, I think. He pushes me away when it comes to visits.)

I need a little help from my friends. If K asks if he can call you mom, please say no. If he asks if you can be his mom for a little while, please say no. If he asks if he can be a part of your family or come live with you, please say no.  If he asks you for help with things (from opening a package to blowing his nose to buttoning his pants), please send him to ask us if at all possible. I know there will be times we aren't around, and if that's the case, PLEASE help him. But when we are around, he needs to continue learning to come to us.

Hugs are welcome if he initiates them. Kindness is, as well. Talk to him, ask him questions, get to know him... all of that is good. We just need assistance with teaching K what boundaries are. He has little concept of family and what that really means.


Zero regrets... just a whole lot of learning.