I'm One of THOSE People

I rarely cry. Like... Maybe twice a year. There are times I would like to cry, but tears just don't flow that easily for me.

But this stage in life appears to be different. Tears. Constant tears. I never understood you people that could cry at a Hallmark commercial. I haven't seen one of those commercials recently, but I cry at every video posted on FB. I could cry now just thinking about the idea of watching a video on FB.
It's horrible.

And I think I've figured out a part of it. Adoption is hard. Oh friends, it's beautiful and worth it and better than you could imagine... But it's hard. We knew that the adoption of an older child would be tough... I can say now that there is much I wasn't prepared for. And I think those experiences are where the constant tears are coming from.

I could give this little guy the world and it wouldn't be enough right now.

If he's in trouble, he tells me that he misses his grandma.

If he doesn't get what he wants, he says he'll call his grandma and tell on me.

If we've had an amazing day together, he tells me that he misses his mom as he falls asleep.

Of course he does! They're his family. He loves them and most definitely misses them. But my heart is human and it cuts me to the core every single time. My brain knows I'm doing the "right" things, but my heart doesn't feel good enough.

It's hard right now. Two steps forward, one giant step back. (And knowing that I have to be the grown up... That stinks!)

There's a retreat for adoptive mamas this fall. The money isn't in the budget right now, but I WILL find a way to be there. It's way out of my introvert comfort zone to go, but I need to be where others understand my heart.

This too shall pass,., right?

Oh the Drama

Oh my heart.

Today was rough.

I received a phone call this morning from K's paternal grandmother. This is the first time I've heard from her. From my understanding, she never sought custody of K, although she has adopted his slightly older sister.

Her phone call today went a little something like this:
"No one told me that his grandmother wasn't allowed to adopt him. Had I known that, I would have adopted him myself. I'm not threatening you or anything, but I want you to know that I can go to DHS and fight for custody."  That non-threat was repeated multiple times.

In the end, I think she was just trying to make sure we would allow her to continue to have contact with him in the future. I don't know.

This afternoon was his birthday family with his biological family. His paternal grandmother was there... and repeated much of what she said on the phone. She spent no time with K and left without saying goodbye to him.... and she was also extremely drunk and loud the entire time.

Awkward.

I'm thankful my little man has a whole bunch of family that loves him. But I can't say I ever expected the drama that would involve.

Not a Walk in the Park

It's been a while since I've posted. We've all been trying to keep our heads above water with a crazy, busy summer and all of the adjustment stuff that happens with a new child in any family. In most ways, it's been much easier than I anticipated. In other ways, it's been rougher.

Easier... K fits right into our home. He can toss out sarcasm with the best of them, he keeps us moving, he sleeps great, he eats well, and he bathes without complaint. He has a million questions about everything, loves Minecraft, enjoys snuggles, does really well academically, and adores his older siblings.He loves Minecraft, is kind to the cat, and keeps a zoo of stuffed animals on his bed. He's incredibly organized, picks up his toys without being told, and does great in the car. He's smart, funny, and looks so much like Gabe.


Harder... Attachment. I knew we would have issues, but I had no idea how difficult they would be. The first two months were a beautiful honeymoon period. There were little problems here and there, but nothing of any major significance. That changed.  8 foster homes in 3.5 years apparently does a lot to a little heart.We're just another stop in the road for him. He's actually been able to verbalize "Maybe if I'm bad enough, DHS will move me to my grandma's house." Sad. And heartbreaking. Visits with his biological family are hard (more for me than for him, I think. He pushes me away when it comes to visits.)

I need a little help from my friends. If K asks if he can call you mom, please say no. If he asks if you can be his mom for a little while, please say no. If he asks if he can be a part of your family or come live with you, please say no.  If he asks you for help with things (from opening a package to blowing his nose to buttoning his pants), please send him to ask us if at all possible. I know there will be times we aren't around, and if that's the case, PLEASE help him. But when we are around, he needs to continue learning to come to us.

Hugs are welcome if he initiates them. Kindness is, as well. Talk to him, ask him questions, get to know him... all of that is good. We just need assistance with teaching K what boundaries are. He has little concept of family and what that really means.


Zero regrets... just a whole lot of learning.

Onward and Upward

We're 5 weeks in and we're all still alive! It's actually been a much easier transition so far than I ever imagined. Yes, he has his moments. Funny thing is... I have my moments, as well. He's been in a couple of time outs. I've been in a couple of time outs.

We've been to the zoo, the aquarium, Enchanted Forest... We've had some fun times together.

The next step in the process is mediation with his biological family. It's harder than I was prepared for... and prayers are definitely appreciated. I want the decisions to be based on Kaden's best interest and not what anyone else is wanting.

Little Boys

"Boys will be boys...."

That quote. So often said will a little sigh at the end. It covers all parts that we see as being characteristically "boy." Dirty. Loud. Willing to share every bodily function. Busy. Wild. 

Boys will be boys.

I'm raising a little guy who is all boy. The only problem is the 'boys will be boys' idea has been used as an excuse for behavior. How can we expect anything different? He's a boy. Of course we laugh when he does that. He's just being a boy.

Boys will be boys isn't an excuse.

It's a reason for grace.

Yes, my little guy is loud and dirty and likes to "toot" on my lap. I'm sure he picks his nose when I'm not looking. He finds it funny to burp extra loud and he leaves a trail of toys and dirty clothes behind him.   ...And I get the amazing job of showing extreme amounts of grace to him. 

I'm not raising a little boy. I'm raising a man who will be a husband, a father, an employee. 

And oh my goodness. I love every dirty, loud piece of him

Our Reality

Once upon a time... There was a mom and a dad who had two big kids. But this mom and dad really, really, really wanted another little boy. This mom and dad looked, and looked, and looked for their little boy. They knew they would know him as soon as they found him, but they couldn't find him anywhere!

One day, they saw a picture of a little boy named Kaden. They just KNEW this was their little boy. But they had to wait and wait and wait before they finally got to meet him. As soon as they saw him for the first time, they were absolutely sure that this little boy was the son they had been looking for.

They took him home and promised to love him forever and ever. They would love him when he made good choices. They would love him when he made bad choices. They would love him for EVER. And Kaden would never have to leave their family again.

This is our story. Kaden has heard it repeatedly. He heard it today when the tears were flowing because he had gotten in trouble... and life is never fair when you're a kid. Our normal is a constant reminder that this isn't another foster home that he'll have to leave. It's forever and ever. (He currently says he's going to live here until he dies. And if he gets married... well, his wife can just move in, too.)

BrainDead

The only relevant test of the validity of a hypothesis is 

comparison of prediction with experience.

Milton Friedman

Yeah, I don't know what that quote means either. It was the first one that popped up when I googled 'comparison quote.' I'm sure the quote makes perfect sense, but I'm so far past exhausted that my brain can't comprehend it at all.

Friends, my new child may be 6 years old, but age means nothing when it comes to adoption. It's almost like adding a newborn to the house... with a few minor differences.

Newborn comes home to a place you have been preparing for the past 9 months. Furniture is set up. Clothing is purchased (if sex is known).  Showers may have already taken place. Parents know they're in for a potential of a serious lack of sleep over the next few months. Words of advice come from everyone. There are weeks of just getting into a routine and getting to know each other. There is a long period of time when this little one can't talk back, be purposefully disrespectful or disobedient, get into every drawer... or move from the spot they were last left.

Older adopted child comes home to a place that's been sort of prepared to the best knowledge of the adoptive parent... who hasn't had much notice. Clothing and shoe sizes are an absolute surprise. As is what possessions they already have. Parents know there is a potential for some minor sleep disturbances- and are then surprised by the lack of sleep that happens because no one knows how this new child will sleep. The child comes into the home from past experiences with different rules, different foods, different expectations, different everything. It takes weeks of getting into a routine and getting to know each other. There is NO period of time in which this child cannot talk back, be purposefully disrespectful, get into every drawer, hide from the parents... or purposefully fart on the laps of whomever is holding him (and then laugh uncontrollably.) Instead of just teaching new "tricks", families spend a great deal of time trying to replace the old "tricks" with those that are more socially acceptable.

I'm so tired. It's all worth it. It's what I prayed for. I wouldn't change any of it. But I'm so tired. My brain is "on" all the time. I think I've reached my quota of decisions this week.

He's amazing. I love him. Even when he purposefully farts on my lap. He's perfect for our family. And it's hard work. 

Lessons

Oh, the lessons we have learned.

*Little man doesn't drink anything unless "strongly encouraged." He may decide he loves chocolate milk one day (and gulp it down like he's been living in the desert)... but the next day, well, he definitely doesn't like how that chocolate milk tastes and he's pretty sure he told us that already.

*Minecraft. It's important. Like... top priority sort of important. And if he has to take a break from it (which happens often), he's fairly certain it's a form of torture.

*Speaking of torture. If little man is angry with us or overwhelmed in a situation, he has the ability to shut down like nobody's business. It's impressive.

*He thinks "cow meat is disgusting", "cheese is gross", but asparagus is the best thing ever.

*He loves hugs and snuggles. He sleeps surrounded by stuffed animals to keep him company. He's pretty in love with his 'stuffies.'

*Watching one tv show all the way through appears to be another form of torture. He would prefer to fast forward and/or rewind repeatedly... or just skip on to a new show completely.

*He has a great memory. Maybe too good of a memory. He remembers every foster home, every caregiver, being taken away from his mom... the list is long. He even pointed out his old therapy location in West Salem on Saturday- a place he hasn't been in at least a year.

*He has my heart. Every "I love you, mom"... sigh.

Happily Ever After

Friends, have I told you lately that God is amazing?

He really does hear the cry of our hearts. He knew the perfect timing for adding a 3rd child to our family.

On Tuesday, we drove to K's foster home to meet him for the first time. Nerve wracking? Yeah. We had waited for that moment for a very.long.time. We pulled up and he was sitting out front with his caseworker- being a boy. He was digging holes in the mud. He was obviously very nervous and it took some time to make eye contact... but Steve amazed me and got right down on K's level. Once it was mentioned that we had Minecraft on our xbox, the world was perfect and K was ready to come to our house.

It didn't take long for him to call Steve 'Daddy'. Melt my heart! I was 'mom' not long after- but he's got a whole lot of people in his life with that title. He asked where "brother" was and wanted to play video games with his "sister." It was a wonderful evening.

And then it was time to drive him back to his foster home. That was hard. He wasn't happy about going back and got pretty angry.

Wednesday brought some more time together. I picked him up after he had a "goodbye meeting" with his mom and grandma. We went to the Gilbert house, out for lunch, and then off to visit his new school for a few minutes.

It was a wonderful afternoon and evening. Taking him back to his foster mom's was heartbreaking. And again... he was very angry about going back.

This afternoon I picked him up for good. I think his smile tells the entire story:

I got to cuddle that cute little guy as he fell asleep tonight. We read stories. We talked. He asked a million random questions to stall sleep just a little bit longer. And he told me that he loved me.


Now to sort through the 7 large garbage bags of stuff that came with him...

Attachment

Two more days!

If all goes as planned (I'm really tired of the *if* word), we'll be meeting our little guy for the first time on Tuesday. I can't imagine a better birthday present.

We're so excited... yet prepared for a rough transition. 

Imagine life from the view of this 6 year old boy:

*He's been in multiple homes over the last 4 years.

*He is meeting a family he doesn't know exists yet.

*He'll be leaving the foster home he's been in for the last year.

*He will have a period of time with little contact with his grandmother- who happens to be the only person he's currently attached to.

*He'll be coming into a home with new rules, new routines, new foods, new toys, etc.

*He'll have a dad for the first time ever.

*He will be coming to a church full of people who know of him... yet he knows no one.

*He'll be meeting extended family~ new grandparents, new aunts and uncles and cousins.

*He'll be showered with attention from a whole bunch of people

It's going to be overwhelming for him. He already struggles with some attachment issues based on the number of moves he's made, and now he's being asked to start an entirely new life yet again. It won't be easy on him, but we have a few requests that may make life a bit easier for our family.

Some requests from us:

*It's important that we are his main caregivers. If he's hurt, sick, sad, angry, etc, it's incredibly important that we are the ones to comfort him for the next little while. He needs to learn that we are here to care for him.

*He's going to grieve the loss of the life he knows. He's going to throw some tantrums. It's going to be hard. Please walk beside us and pray for us. It's will probably be a rough road for a while.

*If you see him at church, the store, etc, over the next month, you are welcome to give him a high-five, introduce yourself, ask him questions about school, etc. Please be aware of how overwhelming his little life is. Too much attention from "strangers" may be scary for him. We've all prayed for him and talked about him and hoped for him... but he doesn't know any of us.

*Kaden may struggle with boundary issues- that's a common concern in older child adoption settings. We will be working on appropriate boundaries with "strangers." As much as many would like to wrap their arms around this little boy, we would like big hugs to just come from immediate family as he adjusts to us. 

If you have questions, please don't hesitate to ask us. We're pretty open in talking about our family. We're thankful that so many love this little guy!

Faith

I don't believe in coincidence.

It wasn't by chance that the judge who heard the case on Monday truly had Kaden's
best interest at heart.

It wasn't "fate" that the ruling was exactly what we hoped for but couldn't imagine being possible.

And it definitely wasn't coincidence that we waited all week for an answer... And an email with the answer was sent to our caseworker within 10 minutes of when I asked for prayer on Facebook. (Which I did right after being told not to count on hearing anything late on a Friday afternoon.)

And it's not "karma" or "the universe" who set it up so that I'll meet my son on Tuesday... My birthday.

God chose Kaden for us. That's been made abundantly clear. And God worked out all the details in such a beautiful way. Seriously. Friends, the judge asked that we have mediation with Kaden's grandma so she can have an ongoing place in his life. Yes, please!! An ongoing relationship has been our hope. I'm looking forward to sitting down with her. Kaden is incredibly attached to his grandma. And that's a good thing.

I expect a rough transition. This little guy has been moved a lot. And he has heard too much of what's been happening the last two weeks. But I trust that God got us this far for a reason. He knows the plans he has for us. He never promised easy or comfortable. But He did promise to always walk with us.

Waiting For You

We've looked at the pictures of MANY children over the last 1.5 years. After seeing Kaden's picture, the searching stopped. We were contacted about other kiddos, but K was the one who had our hearts... long before we knew much about him. If this doesn't work out, I don't see us pursuing another child.

I just went online to find his picture to look at again.  It's not there. This little guy is so close to having a family. His profile has been removed from the site where families can look at kids available for adoption.

We were supposed to hear an answer from the judge today. Our caseworker had to leave for an appointment at 3:45 this afternoon. Since she didn't hear an answer by that time, that leaves us without an answer for today. She said she will call first thing in the morning.

Just one more night of sleep waiting. We can do this.

The P Word

Patience may be a virtue... but I'm not so sure it's one of MY virtues.

The judge didn't rule from the bench today. A ruling will be made by Wednesday.

If I'm going to be honest, I'd kinda like to throw up.

I know the end of the story is beautiful- whatever it may be- but I'm not loving the current chapter.

867-5309

We just returned from a short trip to Seattle. The kids went to Emerald City Comicon and I attended the Northwest Ministry Conference. (yes, two VERY different experiences.) It's possible my kids were born in the wrong decade. They both prefer 70's and 80's music. There is much singing along from the backseat with Steve Miller Band, Billy Joel, etc.

I have a whole big bunch of peace about Monday's court hearing. I think the main difference is that it doesn't feel even the tiniest bit personal. The decision is between DHS and grandmother... no part of it depends on how "good" we are as a family. I have zero control over what happens at this point. That doesn't mean I won't be heartbroken if the judge decides to give custody to his grandmother, but the process seems a bit easier.

While I have peace, I'm very ready for a decision to be made. The waiting is hard.

Please pray for wisdom for the judge on Monday. The hearing starts at 10am. I would give a whole lot to be a fly on the wall in that court room.

A Day to Remember

Such an emotional day! I'm not a patient person on the best of days...

The call came right after 4pm.

It's a BOY!

Our family was chosen for a sweet little 6 year old- the little guy that we've prayed for since October. (It's become known as the 'adoption situation.' )

We have one more big hurdle to get through before we can TRULY celebrate. Monday, at 10am, there will be a court hearing between this little guy's grandmother and DHS. Grandmother wants custody. DHS doesn't seem to feel that's the best choice. We're praying hard that the judge sees the truth in the situation and picks the best home for this little guy.

Until then... He has my whole heart.

Sweetly Broken

It's a little bit hard to breathe this morning. 

(Actually, I'm anxious enough that I think I'll limit further coffee intake. That says a lot.)

I tried to make plans to fill up my day and keep me moving.

The rain messed with most of those.

Instead I'm surrounding myself with the music that blesses my heart.

One song of hope and grace after another.

Committee starts at 1pm and should be over by 4pm.

Thank you for being patient with me through all of this.

It has been a hard road...

But God has been amazing.

No matter how the story ends, 

it will end beautifully.

Attachment

If you know someone who has adopted a child (especially an older child or a child who has spent some of life in an orphanage), give them an extra hug and tell them that they're doing a good job.

Bringing a child into your family after they've experienced abandonment is hard. It's worth it... but it's hard. There are attachment issues to work through. They're exhausting and frustrating and hurtful.... and worth it.

I've heard this song many times before, but last night, someone compared it to the attachment concerns of an adoptive child. 9 years ago, we had a little guy in our home who could have written this song. I had so few tools and so little preparation for the attachment process that we were about to experience. It's only through God (in my opinion) that we made it through the first couple of years.

"I hope that you see right through my walls." I hope we have the opportunity to form an amazing attachment with a new little guy. Four days.

One Week Remaining

Truth: I'm in a very weird, uncomfortable place in my brain and heart. It's not a bad place. It has taught me a lot. But I am more than ready to move from this place.

I'm not sure I can fully explain all the things that run through my mind each day. I do trust my Jesus. I know that the plan for our family is the perfect one. I can grasp that there is a much bigger picture that I can't see right now. I trust Him. He loves me. He loves my family. And He loves precious K. I really do trust Him.

And at the same time, I'm in this space that leaves me without words to say to my Jesus. I don't know what to pray. Prayer, for me, is a constant conversation. I'm talking to God all the time. (And yes, I know that my non-Christian friends are currently wondering about my sanity.) But when it comes to talking about the current situation with K, I don't have words. I know what my heart is longing for. I know what my perfect scenario looks like. I know what I want. I know how I want this story to end. Yet, I'm afraid to pray about my desires. I'm scared that it sounds selfish to beg God for what I want. Is that somehow telling Him what to do?  See! It's a weird place to be.

I said before that I was going to pray specifically. I'm not sure why I stopped, but I know that I need to be specific again. He already knows the desires of my heart. He's not going to be surprised when I talk to Him about them.

Did you read that? 'May God grant your heart's desire and fulfill all your plans."

But that's not the best part! Granting my heart's desire would be fabulous. I would love to have all my plans fulfilled. Yet that's not the part of those verses that catches my eye. It's the part in the middle. 'May we shout for JOY when we hear of your victory... flying banners to honor God.'

I don't know what will happen a week from tomorrow. It scares me. My heart is so attached to this little boy that I've never met. Lord, I LOVE HIM. When I think about K, it's hard to catch my breath. There's a place saved for him in our family. His bed is ready.

And if the Lord chooses to answer my heart's desire and fulfill all my plans for K, I hope my friends will join me in shouting for JOY and honoring God for what HE has done.

*Another moment of truth: If the answer is no, my heart is going to hurt. While I know it's God's will, that doesn't change the feeling of loss that I am already preparing myself for. It won't change my faith. But it will hurt. Please be gentle with me if things go that direction. I'll still be honoring God for what He has chosen for our family, but I will also be seeking His comfort.*

Ups and Downs

I have waited MONTHS to sign in and see the status change from 'available' to 'on-hold'! It makes all of this just a little bit more real.

And after months of seeing this picture every time I sign in:

It sure is nice to know that there appears to be an end in sight.

The current timeline:

March 25th: Committee- This happens with every adoption from foster care. The state picks up to 3 families that they feel are a good fit for the child. Caseworkers for each family sit with the caseworker of the child for a 4ish hour conversation to make a decision on the best fit. If our family is selected at Committee, then we will go on to a second round that isn't the norm.

March 31st: Round 2. K's Grandmother has her day in court. If the court rules against her, K can go into his adoptive placement ASAP.

Confused? Me too. It's a roller coaster and we're just along for the ride.

Breathe.

The current goal is to breathe.


We just received an email from the caseworker. It took my breath away. Committee will either be scheduled for March 17th or 24th (both great dates. Not as soon as I had hoped, but still this month. That's exciting!)


But from there, we hit a little problem. K's grandmother (whom he is very attached to) is fighting the adoption. She wants custody of K. I can't blame her. But that's hard news to process.

On March 31st, there will be a court hearing in which K's grandmother will be attempting to have K removed from the custody of DHS. If the State "wins" this case, the adoption placement can happen as of April 1st. I'm not even sure how to pray on this one. How do I hope that his grandma doesn't get him? That seems so wrong.

I'm still praying that we'll have him for Spring Break. Maybe that doesn't mean we'll have him in our home yet. I don't know.  I trust God's plan and it hit me very clearly this morning that if it's decided that K is not coming into our home, God has his hand in that 100%. Maybe it is His way of protecting our family. I have to trust that.


But, oh my goodness, I want this child in our family. 

Asking Big Things

I have made the heart decision to pray more specifically for the adoption process and for K. For my friends who talk to God, I would be honored if you would also lift up these requests.

*That committee would be on or before March 14th, 2014. (This seems highly unlikely, but my God has done bigger things.)

*That K's heart would be prepared for a transition- whether to us or another family. (But preferably to us.)

*That a little boy named K would be in our home by the first day of Spring Break.

Progress!

Happy

Dance!!

It's a small step, but we'll take any forward step at this point.

A request for a committee has FINALLY been made. 

Our caseworker expects a date to be set for sometime in March.

(Committee is where up to 3 families are presented and a decision

is made as to which family would be the best fit for the child.

It's approximately a four hour process.)

Yay!!

(P.S. A boy that I haven't yet met has a spot waiting for him in

1st grade. That was a weird registration form to fill out.)

It's All For a Reason

I don't cry easily. (well... Other than surprise homecoming and pregnancy announcement videos on YouTube.) Crying gives me a headache. And truthfully, crying makes me feel weak.

I made it this far into the adoption process with some tears... But no full sob fests

Until now.

I just sat in the car and did the loud, ugly face cry. It wasn't a pretty moment. I'm thankful no one witnessed it.

This waiting is so hard on my heart. I KNOW there's a reason. I totally get that this is all part of the plan. But this human heart that God gave me is so sad. What set it off today? Today was the first day of registration at the school I hope to send K to (if he doesn't have needs that would require something more). After registration this morning, there's 1 spot left in first grade. One.

I wanted to be registering my little guy today.

I'm so sad. Still hopeful, but sad.

The P Word

The P Word.

That thing that everyone tells you not to pray for.

The last few months has been a huge test of it.

Patience. I knew an adoption could take a while, but I had no idea how incredibly slowly the wheels would turn. I had this idea in my head that since we weren't seeking a newborn, things would move faster. Silly, silly me.

There's still hope. Things still look positive. But there's currently no end in sight. No dates have been set and no one knows when that may happen.  And in the meantime, there's a 6 year old boy in NE Salem who is waiting for his forever family.

Steve and I pray for K every night. We pray that he is protected and loved. We pray that he'll end up in the family that God has already chosen. We pray that this process will somehow go smoother. It brings tears to my eyes every time. Hearing Steve say his name hits my heart in a weird way.

At dinner tonight, Gabe prayed for K, too. This wait is hard on all of us. Yet we all know that God's timing is absolutely perfect.

Signed:
Hopeful in South Salem

Tough Decisions

Today brought an interesting conversation...

"The caseworker of an 11 year old boy in Portland would like to take you to committee."

Exciting news. News I would have jumped on 3 months ago.

......

But then came K. And K took our hearts and tied them around his little finger. We're hoping for this little guy. We pray for him. We talk about him. We plan for a future with him. We're all in at this point. Looking at any other possible child to adopt feels like a "second choice." And that's not fair to anyone.

So we said no to this 11 year old boy. I really hate doing that. This whole process just breaks my heart.

And still we wait. As of today, they're still trying to pick the 2 other families to take to committee. I know there's a method to the madness, but I'd much rather have him curled up in the bunk bed that's waiting for him upstairs.

(Just a forewarning: If K doesn't come into our home, there will be a cry fest by yours truly. I'll be ok and we'll all accept God's will... but there will be a whole bunch of tears.)

No Regret

He's terrified of the dark.

He doesn't like chicken liver.

He likes the top of his head rubbed while he falls asleep.

He adores his biological grandma.

He's a fan of puzzles... and likes to do them all by himself.

A good conversation with K's foster mom today was a big blessing- and leaves us with no second thoughts on the matter.



Father, may I?

Mother May I?

Take 3 baby steps forward.

Mother may I?

Yes you may.

Ever play that game? I feel like the adoption process has been an extra long game of Mother May I. Take 3 baby steps forward. Take one hop forward. Try not to get your hopes up.

I can say that today we took one large step forward. It was a step that I was fairly confident in from the information I had received, but without a "Yes you may", I was terrified to get my hopes up.

This morning I got the official word that we will be "going to committee" for K. A date hasn't been selected yet, but sometime in the *hopefully* near future, we will be one of up to three families that a group of people will spend half a day discussing. At the end of that discussion, there should be a decision as to which family is the best fit for this little guy.

God is so much smarter than me. I'm going to trust His plan on this one. But, if I'm being honest, I'm begging Him for this boy. Father, may I?

The Little Family that Could

Truth: Today has been a bit harder with this whole waiting thing. I think seeing a video of K yesterday may be the cause.

The longer we wait, the less hope I have. I hate to admit that. I know without a doubt that I'll look back and see God's hand in the whole process, but it's hard to see it right now. I'm just so ready for answers or information of any kind.


In the midst of all this stuff that sometimes overwhelms my heart, I feel incredibly blessed by the family I have. I have two teenagers that I not only love... I actually LIKE them. I'm proud of them and I enjoy my time with them. They make me laugh all.the.time. They even chose to sit at the table and play a game with us for almost an hour after dinner last night. I don't think they realize that they're at an age where they're not supposed to like us. Shhh! Don't tell them!

And my husband. I adore him. He works hard and takes care of us and watches stupid movies with the kids and fixes stuff and makes me laugh. All that AND he loves God. I'm so thankful.

Life is rough. The adoption process is rough. But God is good.

I think we can...I think we can...I think we can...