I'm One of THOSE People

I rarely cry. Like... Maybe twice a year. There are times I would like to cry, but tears just don't flow that easily for me.

But this stage in life appears to be different. Tears. Constant tears. I never understood you people that could cry at a Hallmark commercial. I haven't seen one of those commercials recently, but I cry at every video posted on FB. I could cry now just thinking about the idea of watching a video on FB.
It's horrible.

And I think I've figured out a part of it. Adoption is hard. Oh friends, it's beautiful and worth it and better than you could imagine... But it's hard. We knew that the adoption of an older child would be tough... I can say now that there is much I wasn't prepared for. And I think those experiences are where the constant tears are coming from.

I could give this little guy the world and it wouldn't be enough right now.

If he's in trouble, he tells me that he misses his grandma.

If he doesn't get what he wants, he says he'll call his grandma and tell on me.

If we've had an amazing day together, he tells me that he misses his mom as he falls asleep.

Of course he does! They're his family. He loves them and most definitely misses them. But my heart is human and it cuts me to the core every single time. My brain knows I'm doing the "right" things, but my heart doesn't feel good enough.

It's hard right now. Two steps forward, one giant step back. (And knowing that I have to be the grown up... That stinks!)

There's a retreat for adoptive mamas this fall. The money isn't in the budget right now, but I WILL find a way to be there. It's way out of my introvert comfort zone to go, but I need to be where others understand my heart.

This too shall pass,., right?